This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
