fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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