So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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