I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
These tits shall not be calmed
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
