You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Randomize
