My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
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