omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
