dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
