So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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