1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
