when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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