I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
The beer is more important than you right now.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
