you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
