i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
