just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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