we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
