I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
