The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
