No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
