I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
