just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
