I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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