If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
