my mouth tastes like poor choices
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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