Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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