and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
