I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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