Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
