if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
