whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
