I wish I could teleport
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
