he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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