Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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