like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
being pregnant is like rehab
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
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