sorry about calling you the devil all night.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
