Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
