it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Randomize
