I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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