is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
