You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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