you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
