WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
My dad is sitting where you rode me
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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