Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
