The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Just invented taco cereal.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
