even my farts smell like vagina
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
