girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Randomize
