Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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