The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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