Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
