i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
