it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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