My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
