i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
