i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
